My Son Reacts to Beyonce’s Videos

ImageI along with millions of other people downloaded Beyonce’s new Visual Album, which I will probably review at some point, but I thought it would be better (funnier) to let everyone enjoy my older boy’s first impressions of her videos. I have two kids, both boys, both teens (yikes!) they are like night and day but with great senses of humor, which I enjoy immensely. My older boy is a bit of a clown, a bit of a wise ass with an artistic streak so I noted down his impressions as he was viewing the videos. I only inserted my comments when he asked me questions and to clarify things to him, if he said anything that might be offensive I did correct him. That being said he is a playful boy and sometimes he says things to get a rise so, keep that in mind. Also, just as a warning, this is my child and if you leave any negative comments about him I will hunt you down and reign hell upon you….otherwise ENJOY!

PRETTY HURTSImage

 

I think Her dad put her in all those beauty pageants. Does she have issues with her dad? Is that why she hates her body?

GHOST

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I like this one. I like it a lot. She doesn’t trust the record company.

HAUNTED

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This is rated R. (Why?) she’s smoking…she only took one puff then put it out like she’s fancy or something.

Uh I don’t get it what’s she trying to say? What’s with the guys in masks? She had the twins from….what’s that movie, with Jack Nicholson (The Shining) yeah she had the twins all grown up & with their faces painted.

DRUNK IN LOVE

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So let me understand this her whole video thing is about Shutter Island? (WHAT???) She goes crazy because she thinks she’s too fat, she checks into a crazy hotel, she sees dead people in the hotel, she ends up on a beach next to Mal. (WHO’S MAL??) Jay Z, now it seems it’s turning into Inception & Jay Z is Mal and the trophy is her totem. Look she’s doing the crazy eyes {see pic} Why is everyone saying ‘Eat the cake Anna Mae’? (Well Anna Mae Bullock is Tina Tuner’s real name, you’ve heard me listen to her music, you know Tina right?) Yes (Tina’s husband used to beat her, in the movie about her life there’s a scene where he’s being menacing and threatening and he takes a piece of cake shoves it in her face saying “eat the cake Anna Mae”) Oh, hmm hmm why’d he say that to Beyonce? He’s mean to her? (I think he stupidly thinks it’s funny.) Well, I guess if you don’t know what it means, it’s funny. Otherwise it’s not. Hmm. (Appears bothered by this.)

BLOW

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She’s part of Roll Bounce with TI & Bow Wow now? (Those are two different movies TI = ATL, Bow Wow = Roll Bounce, but I’m impressed that you remembered the movies) She’s out here like a hoochie mama, she put lipstick on then, she put the lip gloss on over it to make it extra shiny, too shiny, it looks like she ate something greasy. How old is she? (32. WHY?) She’s acting like she’s 25, maybe 22. Are her butt cheeks really out? (ARE YOU LISTENING TO THE SONG?) Yeah. She’s a freak nasty, she’s saying, eat her skittle in the middle, she was saying nasty stuff on the other songs too. Is she trying to fit into the other music out now? Is that what she’s trying to do? It has a nice melody. Clean what, what does she mean?!? She said clean that’s the only way to get the flavor. {the line is: Make sure you clean that….That’s the only way to get the…..Flavor. I did not explain what it meant, that’s a discussion for another day} Now she’s trying to look like Erykah Badu on the top of this car?? (WHAT?? NO! I don’t think she looks like her at all, stop being crazy) Her butt cheek….it just….moves. I can hear all the people saying to her “But Beyonce all these little girls look up to you” (What would your response be?) Don’t you people have parental controls? I have them on my phone, they can just activate them and keep their kids from seeing stuff they don’t want them to see.

Mom….So whose album is better Jay Z or Beyonce? (I’m gonna have to say Beyonce.) I’m a say Drake. (That wasn’t the question!) lolz

NO ANGELS

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She’s wearing the white outfit the girl wore in Big Pimpin. (I see the similarities but not the same tho) It’s kinda the same… I think I saw Bun B. Hey, Paul Wall! (Yeah, Beyonce is out here giving Paul Wall a job, isn’t that nice?) Mike Jones is holding the flag you don’t recognize him because he’s skinny now. Oh yeah that is Bun B! Oh she’s doing it for the skrippers now?? Is that Slim Thug?? (It is! Good eyes my friend.) I like this one, (Really?) what’s wrong with it? I didn’t like the whole high pitched thing, it sounded like she was gasping for air but it was ok. She just showed where she came from & that she’s a pimp now.

Mommy….So Beyonce & Jay Z are supporting corporate America by putting their albums only on iTunes & for androids & also stealing people’s info? {Jay Z info stealing app} (I don’t think their fans see it that way but I agree with you.)

Yoncé

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Ohhhhh k. (What? Silence no response, mesmerized by what he’s seeing, he is speechless until this line….) I sneezed on the beat & the beat got sicka. What happened to Sasha Fierce??? I guess she finally accepted herself. (What do you mean?) Well when you have multiple personalities, like she had Sasha, you’re healed when you accept all of your personalities. She accepted Sasha Fierce. (That’s very smart but, that’s not what happened.) You don’t know that for sure so, I could be right.

PARTITION

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I’m Beyonce with glasses. I’m dropping stuff on the floor. This sounds like a stripper song. 2 CHAINZ!!!!! Watch he’s gonna come out of no where. “He want to fuu” where was this accent before? Where was it 5 CDs ago? “45mins to get dressed up but we’re not going to make it to the club”!!! Ha ha…. Oh she has the Louboutins! Oh her butt cheeks!!! Is that Jay Z watching? (Yes) Is she naked, she’s naked (No she isn’t) she looked naked. So was that just everything she was thinking? (Yes, a fantasy) Ok. She’s telling Jay Z “if you like the nasty girls I can be like that” (I picked up on that too, did you get the “Monica Lewinskyed” ref) Yeah (Thoughts?) She’s dirty that’s what I’ve thought a couple of songs ago, I don’t know what to tell you. (Does that bother you that she’s “dirty”?) Nope. Not at all, besides it’s a fantasy and she’s singing it to Jay. It’s cool.

JEALOUS

ImageWhat’s this about Rihanna? (What NO! I cannot with you.) hahaha Oh! She’s about to Ring The Alarm!! Uh oh she’s mentioning her ex from Texas! Who’s this guy, Drake??? (N O that’s Jay!) Are you sure, it didn’t look like Jay….

Rocket

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“Put your sins all over me…” haha dirty. Ugh She got her weave wet. She’s going to cause an increase in birth rates. (WHAT??) Chief Keef said his album was gonna cause a rise in violence because it’s gonna be about violence. All her songs are about sex, people are gonna have more sex and have more babies. Her music wasn’t like this before (that’s not true she’s had sexual songs before) yeah but, not like this, this is blatant “Monica Lewinskyed my blouse” sex. She had maybe one or two songs on a CD then, the rest were party songs now, all the songs are about sex. Does she feel free now? (Yes, I think so. Some women feel more free after they have a baby, more of a woman – a grown woman – maybe that’s how she’s feeling.)

{I had to do something & didn’t want him to go onto a video without me, he said “ok I’m just gonna watch Yoncé again”}

MINE

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Oh with Drake? She’s supposed to be like American Horror Story?….what’s going on??? So Drake said “ok Beyonce I’ll be on your cd if Jay Z gets on mine” Is this when she comes to her senses & stops being jealous? (Basically)

XO

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Yeah this one was filmed int New York!! Coney Island. When did she make these videos? She has top secret people around her that keep all of her secrets. You can see the security. I like this one she’s just there having a good time. (A lady was stuck in the Ferris wheel for 3hrs while Beyonce was filming) Oh is she ok? (She was upset but ok I guess) Hmm I still like the video, too bad for that lady.

*****Flawless

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Mmmm ok this is like Ring The Alarm part 2. Her outfit reminded me of the Soldier video, the same kind of shirt. She didn’t win because she’s a woman? I’m not sure what the words (about feminism) have to do with what she’s singing about.

Superpower

 

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She looks like a cat. Oh, Frank Ocean. Hey! They’re about to Lose Their Breath {Michelle and Kelly come out} it was ok it sounded too Frank Oceany for me

Blue

 

Where is this? (Brazil) is that the baby? (Yes that’s Blue) She’s big! We only get to see the back of the baby’s head? (No you’ll see her face in a bit) {He smiled a lot at the end when Blue was talking and laughing, he was touched (:}

Grown Woman

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The trophy is back. Ok no, she didn’t say betcha. She has 3 babies now? Does she want to have 3 babies is this what it’s supposed to mean? (Not really) How did they get all these old timey people in the video to sing the song (CGI) oh clever. Oh back when she would cover her butt. (That’s her mom) Oh yeah but…. where’s her dad?….. (let it go)

Heaven

(You getting tired? ) Mmmm hmm it’s a lot of videos….. I don’t know what’s going on here? She’s going skinny dipping? There’s no seizure warning {there are rapid flashing lights at the end} this is worse than Kanye’s All of the Lights.

We are done! Do you want to watch any of them again? Clicks Ghost. Any final thoughts? It wasn’t like Kanye’s Runaway – there was a plot to it that connected everything, this was a long train of thought. I liked the videos though.

I hope everyone enjoyed that and enjoyed my son’s sense of humor. I hope you noticed that he actually likes her and knows her all of her music and some of Destiny’s Child. Here are some additional pics from the videos that I liked, you can also visit this Link to my tumblr where I posted the majority of the images, videos and songs. ****Final warning if you even think to leave a nasty comment about my son I will reign hell upon you in ways that will make you wish for a quick death****  Love ya, mean it!
Extra pics:
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HAUNTED
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