In this moment I feel like Madonna. There is a part in her Truth or Dare documentary where she, the dancers and backup singers are in a prayer circle and Madonna begins to pray:
(this was before her faux British accent and Kabbalah conversion)
Dear Lord it seems like every time I’m standing in this circle I’m asking you for something extra special…
However in this instance, my prayer would be:
Lord, it seems like every time I sit down to write something for this blog it is about sex…..
I’m really not obsessed with sex…..at least…..not in a bad way.
Things come up innocently, then, they become sexual, for example on Sunday I was reviewing director James Gunn’s twitter account for something funny to read. I came across an interview he had given to the Nerdist YouTube channel done by The Indoor Kids. I thought it was just going to be a review of his new video game, Lollipop Chainsaw and a casual, funny conversation. For the most part it was, but then they began talking about masturbation, which led to Mr Gunn discussing how he prefers not to masturbate because he likes to shoot huge loads, which naturally led to a question of his aim, which then led to him making a startling confession:
I love hand jobs! I prefer a hand job over a blowjob.
and before you think he was alone in this love of hand jobs, the producer of the show chimed in:
Gunn: Are you with me??
Producer: I’m with you. I’m not against it, it….just feels so much better.
Gunn: The strength of the orgasm is almost always better
Producer: Waaaaaaaay better.
Yes, there is a cult of men who prefer hand jobs over blow jobs, they exist!
I decided to find out how many men would be willing to admit to this predilection, so I asked my twitter followers – did they prefer hand jobs over blow jobs? Here are the results:
I had a few intellectuals who gave a very PC answer:
“I like whatever the woman is most comfortable doing and is best at.” (how do you find this out, do you hand out a questionnaire?)
Then I had a few who gave the murky water answer:
“Well, what do you like?” (ugh I wasn’t offering either one, settle down)
I also had someone say location determined the preference, which led me to think of alleyways, dark corners of a bar and Purell. My favorite freaky answer was a Direct Message on why the best choice would actually be a 69 position. I love and respect him for his honesty, but that vote didn’t count. I had a lovely lesbian follower chime in to say she preferred a girl put her mouth on her as opposed to her hands (I counted that as a BJ vote).
This one is my favorite submission on tumblr, because it’s so subversive and condescending but I honestly don’t think he was trying to be either, it was just an extremely honest response. (Which I appreciate, so thank you blunt man.)
The overwhelming, greedy response was:
“Can I have both simultaneously?” – no, pick one!
Most men were willing to admit to enjoying both but preferring oral stimulation. When I asked one of the brave men (they all answered privately, either via DM or on my tumblr account anonymously) who admitted to enjoying hand jobs why he preferred it, he said it made him feel like a voyeur at his own orgasm. He also said the orgasm did feel more intense, and he felt he could relax a little more and let his girlfriend take over. The other guy I wanted to ask about his hand job preference said he was tired and wanted to go to bed early….perhaps to enjoy a hand job?? Who knows…
Needless to say the orally fixated guys won in the end but, somehow, I can’t help but think there are more members of this special cult of men – The Cult of The Hand Job Lovers.
If you want to check out the James Gunn interview on the Nerdist YouTube channel CLICK HERE (the hand job discussion begins 14:50 – the entire interview is hilarious you should check it out)
PS – Before anyone says this is a cultural thing, CLICK HERE for a video of rapper Slim Thug interviewed by Angela Yee in 2009 where he said, blow jobs were not the best thing invented (he didn’t admit to liking hand jobs but it’s still pertinent)
U P D A T E
– The Cajun Boy from the blog site Uproxx mentioned my post on the site, which is awesome.